If you have doubts that you are not worthy of a relationship, go to your closest people and take in the reminder that you are deeply loved. Document the chapter! Journaling is such a powerful tool when you are single. It helps you to get out feelings in a safe place when you feel like no one is there.
I did this A LOT during my single decade. In fact now I love grabbing my old journals and reading about my single journey.
I even have journal entries from meeting my husband and that is so special to read now! I love reading about those days when I was hopeless, hopeful, and everything in between. It is really powerful to look back at how far I have come and all that I have learned. Get yourself a journal and start documenting this chapter and all that is on your heart and mind.
One day when you are with the right person, you will look back and read those memories and smile. Let's treat our bodies with the utmost love and respect. Sure, we all have physical desires, and it can be hard to go long periods of time when one is single; but let's be careful about how we treat our bodies during this free time in our lives. I am not going to give you a lecture on body and sexual health, but I am going to remind you that you are a beautiful, living being with purpose who deserves to be treated as such.
Anytime we are sharing ourselves in any area; heart, body, mind, and soul, we should be treated with absolute respect. We need to make sure WE have healthy boundaries in our relationships. If you have been physically or sexually abused by another, it can very difficult to know what healthy boundaries are and how to have them. If you want more information on healthy relationship boundaries, view the link below for more information.
I too had to learn about boundaries due to personal experiences of my own, but I now have educated hundreds of men, women, and children on this topic throughout my career.
A TRANSFORMATIVE YEAR: A JOURNEY TOWARDS UNCONDITIONAL SELF-LOVE - Love Living Holistics
The other support suggestion I want to share for your body self-love during your single chapter; build your confidence and keep yourself from body shaming. Body shaming can come in many different forms; from judging your physical appearance and speaking negatively to or about yourself, or even judging yourself for decisions you make when being single. I encourage you to stay away from that negativity to yourself. Remember that you are single and free and have a right to say yes or no, just be safe and remember that you are your priority and you deserve to be treated the best!
Let's talk about being kind to your mind. It is so important to nurture your mental health during this time in your life. Experiencing loneliness can trigger a person's anxiety, depression, and other mental health struggles. There are so many ways you can take care of your mind when single! Yes I said it, read some self-help books! If you are going through a lonely chapter and you feel like the world doesn't understand you, read a book that not only will validate your feelings but will give you knowledge about what YOU can do to improve your relationship life.
Self-helps books can be reminders that we are not alone and that we all have areas to improve on. When I was going through my single chapters, these three books were life changing for me. Mandy Hale, author of 'The Single Woman' writes beautiful, inspiring words about loving yourself during the single journey. He keeps it real with women about boundaries, self-worth, and self-respect. This book is actually all about having self-respect and how to demand it in a variety of ways.
I highly encourage you to find a book that will support you in your journey, it can make a big difference in you growing during your single chapter. Reach out to a professional for extra support. Look I get it, it's not always easy to talk to someone about what is hurting you. Sometimes the advice from our family and friends is not enough. Sometimes we have unhealthy relationship patterns due to past experiences. It is healthy to reach out for help when you have an area of growth.
Talking to a counselor or support service is a great way to get real feedback on your opportunities of growth.
We are all a work in progress! There is support out there to help you live your best life in relationships and more. Lastly, self-love for the single soul. You are experiencing this single journey in this moment for a reason.
What We Did to Me: My Life's Journey Toward Self-Love by A K Wilks (Paperback / softback, 2013)
Taking time to reflect on the beauty of this moment can raise your soul vibration and attract more love in to your life. Take time to say thanks for the doors being closed in the past and the doors that are opening for your future. Even though the closed doors can be really painful, it is important to recognize that sometimes chapters end so that new beautiful ones can begin.
Sometimes the most painful endings are serving our highest good. Forgiveness: This is huge when going through a single journey. So many times when we step in to a single journey we have resentments towards the past. We question our decisions, their decisions, bargain with the outcome, 'why did this happen to me? In order to bring in the right person for us, we have to forgive those in our past who hurt us.
We have to know that the pain they caused us served a purpose far greater than what we can see in the moment. One of my favorite forgiveness affirmations is, "I forgive you for not being the person I wanted you to be. We can't change a person and we shouldn't want to. It's not our job to fix someone, and if you are out seeking to fix someone that that is a sure sign that you still have some inner work to do.
We also need to forgive ourselves. We need to understand that we are doing the best we can. Have we made mistakes? That doesn't mean that we are not worthy of forgiveness. We are all unconditionally loved by a power far greater than we can imagine, and the Universe forgives us and loves us unconditionally, so let's take a look deep within and understand that we all deserve to forgive, and try again. Surrender: Remember that there is always a beautiful loving energy all around you that supports your highest good. Take the pressure off of yourself and stop trying to control your dating life!
Stop trying so hard to meet 'the right one' and just live in the moment. I encourage you to stop trying so hard and stop overthinking. When you meet someone who is great for you, the connection happens naturally. Open your heart to the journey and have fun. To not be happy with our bodies, unless we sculpt, strain and starve ourselves. Not be happy with our faces, where we have to use all sorts of make-up to cover up all of our flaws. Not be happy with aging, to do everything in your power to not look older, where seeing your esthetician is a mandatory weekly visit and getting botox is like getting your nails done.
Not only, does doing all of these things to maintain an unrealistic ideal of beauty drain our time, but it also can drain our bank accounts. Given that women still only make. This year I turned 45 and have definitely fallen into the trap of wanting to defy my age, my skin and ensure that I maintain a certain physique.
This came as a surprise to me, because I feel like I have overcome many of my insecurities and have a fairly healthy self-esteem. Let me start from the beginning to give you a little bit of history on my journey. I grew up in a stable and nurturing middle class family, and both my parents are first generation immigrants from Taiwan.
I had a very typical childhood, I played with neighbors, went on summer vacations, attended public school and went to University of Colorado, Boulder for my undergrad degree. I was awkward in my tweens and teens, and definitely fell prey to peer pressure and not feeling like I fit in. In college, I started to gain more confidence. I worked out almost every day, I loved going to the gym, I studied, dated, went to concerts and parties, and made good friends. It was here when everything began to fall apart.
For the beautiful soul who is ready to share their life with another...
After a year of living in Nepal, I started to become obsessed with my body, I gained about 10 pounds which is common among volunteers because of the high carb diet that many subsist on. Having a larger physique in Nepalese culture was considered beautiful, but by American standards, being larger meant you were not desirable and lacked discipline. I began to track everything that I ate in Nepal and became obsessed with my body. I had lost my security blanket of control that I had in Colorado. Eventually the Peace Corps medical team intervened and I was sent to Kathmandu the Capitol of Nepal for psychological evaluation.